Author: Kevin A. Ranson

Film Critic & Horror Writer. Heeding a macabre calling listening to “Mother Ghost Nursery Rhymes” in kindergarten, Kevin A. Ranson wrote in grade school and filled countless notebooks with story ideas while touring the Mediterranean in the US Navy. Author of The Spooky Chronicles, the thriller series The Matriarch Vampires, and critic for MovieCrypt.com as host Grim D. Reaper #grmdrpr. Sith master of Google-Fu, Bing-Jitsu, and buttered toast (you want some toast?)

Grounds for a Beef?

On By Kevin A. RansonIn Conspiracies, Cullinarian, ExistentialismLeave a comment

According to Gizmodo.com, “an Alabama law firm is presenting a class action lawsuit for false advertising, claiming that what Taco Bell claims is ‘beef’ in their commercials is just [a] processed clustermass of disgust.” Here’s the actual ingredient list on the side of the shipping containers labeled “Taco Meat Filling.”

Beef, water, isolated oat product, salt, chili pepper, onion powder, tomato powder, oats (wheat), soy lecithin, sugar, spices, maltodextrin (a polysaccharide that is absorbed as glucose), soybean oil (anti-dusting agent), garlic powder, autolyzed yeast extract, citric acid, caramel color, cocoa powder, silicon dioxide (anti-caking agent), natural flavors, yeast, modified corn starch, natural smoke flavor, salt, sodium phosphate, less than 2% of beef broth, potassium phosphate, and potassium lactate.

What do you see? A little beef, oats, spices, and the mandatory preservatives. The claim is that only 36% of it is actually “flesh of cattle” while the reads like ingredients for a granola bar. The real complaint is that Taco Bell advertises this as beef, but should they really come clean and put “meat filling” into their ads?

Here’s what I know: it’s tasty! And now I also know the meat is at least half oats, which I’m told is good for me on the breakfast cereal boxes I read. Shouldn’t that be a selling point? The only things that Taco Bell does that ticks me off is refusal to create a Meximelt combo (those things rock but are overpriced) and let Mountain Dew “Baha Blast” onto the market so I can buy it by the 2-liter.

The Kate Middleton Conundrum

On By Kevin A. RansonIn Conspiracies, SatireLeave a comment

Ever since Prince William got engaged, the nastiest remarks regarding the appearance of the bride-to-be have been made. I don’t know about you, but I think Prince William’s biggest problem marrying her is how well he’s going to get along with her brothers, Bo and Luke Duke. Daisy sure cleans up nice, don’t she, folks?

Looks Familiar

Stricter Gun Laws Due to Tucson Tragedy, Anyone?

On By Kevin A. RansonIn Conspiracies, Politicking, SatireLeave a comment

My friend Patty posted this today:

“To everyone who is calling for stricter gun laws in light of the tragedy in Tucson, may I offer this little tidbit: If guns kill people, then pencils misspell words, cars drive drunk, and spoons make people fat! Remember: Hold the person accountable for their actions, not just the means they chose to utilize!!!”

It felt a bit incomplete, so I added the following:

“Oh, and you forgot hammers destroy people’s thumbs, computers steal people’s identities, and chainsaws chase teenage virgins through the woods at night (not to mention axes, machetes, bowie knives, hooks, spear guns, and finger-bladed gloves.)

“Oops, almost forgot: no one thinks for themselves anymore. That means that anything you decide to do was obviously something you heard on television, the radio, or read online. Individual thought is a myth, just like personal responsibility. Just sit back, turn on the tube, and do everything your government says so they can take care of you.”

I Attended the Tucson Memorial Service and All I Got Was This Lousy T-shirt

On By Kevin A. RansonIn Existentialism, Politicking, SatireLeave a comment

tucson memorial shirtIf the President of the United States shows up to speak at your single-shooter massacre or public building bombing, should you expect people to cheer his speech and take home a free t-shirt? How about a “battle of the bands” on a second stage on the opposite side of a graveyard during a funeral? Our speaker will also be signing copies of his new book and other swag at a table next to the casket.

See More Here.

“With My D6”

On By Kevin A. RansonIn Creativity, Roleplaying, SatireLeave a comment

To the tune of “Like a G6” by Far East Movement
Lyrics by Kevin A. Ranson

Patches down for Warcraft now, new from Blizzard,
Pen and paper while we wait, Mine’s a Wizard.
Table toppin’ D and D, a quick fix,
Lettin’ fireballs fly With My D6,
With My D6, With My D6,
Lettin’ lightning bolts fly With My D6.

(repeat until you’re sick of it)

Update: If you check the date of when I posted this originally, you may notice that I had been throwing this idea out since just past last Christmas.

Four months later, someone not only took up the idea but ran with it until they made something wonderful.

Awesome job, guys. Lemme know if you need any new ideas!

Has Mainstreaming Doomed Geekdom?

On By Kevin A. RansonIn Conspiracies, Creativity, TechnologyLeave a comment

It’s a good question. I used to know a couple who only listened to music that no one else had heard of, and the moment that underground band became known and “sold out,” that band was immediately tossed aside for the next unheard and unsigned wannabes. Now that the future is here and sci-fi, comics, cosplay, gadgets, and being online are cool, is traditional geekdom doomed due to mainstreaming niche interests?

I, for one, love the fact that what used to be niche has now gone mainstream. It’s a vindication that what we always thought was secretly cool finally caught on. No one has to meet in anyone’s garage to discuss their usenet group or what cool accessory they got for their Amiga or Timex Sinclair. There’s so much culture out there now that the mainstream can pick and choose while the elitists create and mold the next would-be cool thing. Between the Internet explosion, social networks, and a generation of kids growing up with this as the norm, no one can predict how cool and geeky the next thing coming is (and blooming idiots that think this is all just a fad can curl up in a box with their dead picture tubes and need not apply.)

For more, check out where all this was inspired from over at Lainspotting.

Grow the Pie

On By Kevin A. RansonIn Conspiracies, PolitickingLeave a comment

This is Economics 101, people. Everyone knows if you slice every pizza the same way, your piece is bigger if the pizza is larger.

“Grow the Pie.”

If you take a bigger slice (percentage of the pie) with no incentive to grow the pie larger, someone loses whatever part of the pie originally meant for someone else. If you take the same slice (same percentage) of a bigger pie to by incentivizing growth, that same percentage is a bigger slice. How does increasing taxes grow the pie? It can’t… it just takes away more of the same pie and forces business to work with what’s left: raising prices, cutting quality (or production), or laying off workers.

What’s being discussed in congress right now isn’t a tax cut; it’s extending the same cuts that were about to expire. Second, the super rich very often stay super rich by spending money as investments that create business and spawn jobs. Finally, no one says you can’t contribute more than money to help the less fortunate, but it isn’t the government’s job to take from the rich and give to the poor.

We’re talking about an INCOME TAX increase, right? This doesn’t tax money that’s sitting in account earning almost no interest right now, just money that’s INCOME. The bulk of that is from money that’s working (businesses) and even small businesses with as little as 10 employees making $25K a year is a $250,000 business, even if the owner can’t take a profit. The 1% “super rich” will ALWAYS find a loophole to pass their tax increase down to the middle class.

The rich do not work as hard as the middle class.. would you? Their money does, however, if they intend to stay super rich. Let’s say congress passed a bill that only raises Walmart’s income taxes by 20%… that should be plenty, and they can afford it, right? If Walmart decides to instead go out of business rather than pay the targeted increase, what’s 20% of zero? But cutting the taxes (or, in this case, extending the cuts) allows growth, and the same percentage of a bigger pie is more money.

Seriously, does anyone want a smaller piece of their pizza?

Cue for a ChangeOver

On By Kevin A. RansonIn Existentialism, PolitickingLeave a comment

Narrator: See, a movie doesn’t come all on one big reel. It comes on a few. So someone has to be there to switch the projectors at the exact moment that one reel ends and the next one begins. If you look for it, you can see these little dots come into the upper right-hand corner of the screen.
Tyler Durden: In the industry, we call them “cigarette burns.”
Narrator: That’s the cue for a changeover. He flips the projectors, the movie keeps right on going, and nobody in the audience has any idea.

That’s a quote from Fight Club, but I don’t think they were talking about midterm elections or anything political. The cue for a changeover, however, is definitely upon us, whether that’s the Republicans actually doing something positive after watching Democrats in total government control failing to agree on how to get things done or proving once and for all that neither party can stop thinking about their next election to address real issues.

Did you vote? Get going!