Author: Kevin A. Ranson

Film Critic & Horror Writer. Heeding a macabre calling listening to “Mother Ghost Nursery Rhymes” in kindergarten, Kevin A. Ranson wrote in grade school and filled countless notebooks with story ideas while touring the Mediterranean in the US Navy. Author of The Spooky Chronicles, the thriller series The Matriarch Vampires, and critic for MovieCrypt.com as host Grim D. Reaper #grmdrpr. Sith master of Google-Fu, Bing-Jitsu, and buttered toast (you want some toast?)

Everyone Should (Pay to) Have a Friend Like Me

On By Kevin A. RansonIn Creativity, Existentialism, InternetLeave a comment

I talked to a person today who asked me how they could charge to add friends or fans to their Facebook page. This would be a recurring monthly fee, also, so failure to pay means being unfriended. As this person claimed to be a health and beauty expert, anything they discussed on their page was obviously valuable and anyone who wanted in on the conversation and information would have to pay for it.

I needed a good laugh today and wish them much luck that the money will start rolling in. Yeah… any minute now.

Filtering Copyrighted Material Requires Infringement?

On By Kevin A. RansonIn Conspiracies, Existentialism, Internet, Satire, TechnologyLeave a comment

According to an article on Wired.com, collecting the information that allows a filter to compare an image, a book, a song, or a video to existing material is itself an uncompensated use of the material it is meant to single out for violation. In other words, even “fair use” isn’t enough of a reason for website to police themselves prior to actual notification by a copyright holder since the website would have to have legal copies (aka paid for) of everything being filter to compare it to.

If this holds up, no website can currently be held responsible to filter its own bandwidth for violations because they would have to purchase and own a copy of whatever is being searched for (read: everything and anything) to check and see if it’s real. Ha!

Very Little to Bitch and Moan About

On By Kevin A. RansonIn ExistentialismLeave a comment

I just realized that I haven’t updated my so-called “personal” blog in a while.

Lessee… I finagled from work a five-day vacation, four of which will be in Orlando, Florida with my girlfriend and as a convention guest. I lost another two pounds but seem to be holding steady; it may be time to step up the exercise portion of the program. Nothing really nutty going on at work, plus I reached a stopping place for the spelljammer campaign I was running. I even managed to find a real wooden chair for my home office, one of those old teacher’s desk chairs that would probably survive a trash truck being dropped on it, and paid only $10 for it. And “The Reaper” has started doing videos again over at MovieCrypt.com.

Overall, not too shabby. Happy Memorial Day, ever’body!

Physicality: My Three Secrets

On By Kevin A. RansonIn Physicality1 Comment

I have a shocking secret: I’m overweight. And here’s another: I recently decided to fully commit to do something about it. Finally, a third: It’s working.

Other than my age and family history risk factors, I miss having the energy I used to have instead of getting winded carrying my arse up and down a few flights of steps. But a second big factor was getting an iPhone (they’re $99 now, so no more excuses) and a cool free app called “Lose It!” What makes it work is that you can set a goal, track foods by calories (from a huge database or add them yourself), and add exercises to stay within preset targets.

Ever wonder why that USDA nutritional info is always based on a 2000 calorie diet? They’re estimating an ideal weight of 200 pounds. As a simple formula, multiply your desired weight by ten to find out how many calories per day you should be eating. So if that’s what you want to weight AND maintain, that’s what you should be limiting your intake to and be prepared to keep doing to stay that way.

I gained this weight sitting in call centers instead of walking up and down an aircraft carrier for six years, so I figured I could undo the damage safely at the same rate by doing a bit of counting. Like balancing a checkbook for the first time, you’ll be surprised what busts the bank (snack chips are my kryponite), but you can have everything in moderation. Not feeling filled up? Eat more foods like salads, low fat sauces or dressings, and make your own burger without the bun.

I’ve been changing this over for four weeks now, limiting or removing my danger foods and learning to like new ones instead (my personal savior: 60-calorie tropical fruit cups in plastic four-packs from Walmart; pop ’em in the fridge for a quick chilled and sweet reward any time!) But the real reason I’m coming clean with all this now is because I hit a milestone: 5 pounds lost, so I must be something right.

More as I succeed or fail, but any encouragement is always welcome…!

Blue is NOT the New Black Dragon

On By Kevin A. RansonIn Conspiracies, ExistentialismLeave a comment

There’s many ways a film can make money. Box office receipts, DVDs, rentals, and first broadcast rights. But the most immediate thing fans of a film can do to support it (in addition to telling their friends to go see it) is to buy up a little merchandise. T-shirts, action figures, the novel version, whatever. But why are there some franchises who insist on providing things nobody wants or has to settle for?

Case and point: How to Train your Dragon. Fun flick, neat characters, and, of course, dragons. The dragon everyone wants seems to be Toothless, a “night fury” who’s disappears against the darkness of a night sky and breaths fire bolts like air-to-air missiles. His head is flat with bright green eyes, resembling (and acting like) a giant winged black cat.

So why is EVERY plush animal at the toy store blue? Or purple? Only the teeny, tiny figurines seems to have access to actual black dye, because the makers of anything bigger than that currently in stores looks nothing like what’s on screen. Is blue supposed to be family friendlier or something? Was there a surplus of blue fur and felt after Lilo and Stitch stopped making cartoons?

To paraphrase Stephen King: “Give was what we want and we’ll go away.”

The Dreaded -N- Word: “November”

On By Kevin A. RansonIn Politicking, SatireLeave a comment

It has come to my attention that there are some people who are greatly insensitive to the plights of those who have suffered at the hands of others. Words may not actually cut like knives, but the meaning and intent behind the words you use are something that must always be considered when implementing their use. To those politicians who may find themselves unemployed in just a few short months and only book tours to look forward to in their retirement, use of the -N- word in their presence in nothing short of cruel.

So, the next time you see groups of politicians hanging out together or happen to pass one on the street, just remember what it feels like to be collectively grouped together when a politician refers to you with the dreaded -T- word: “Taxpayer.”

No Moore’s Law for Batteries, But…

On By Kevin A. RansonIn Existentialism, TechnologyLeave a comment

Have you heard of the Bloom Box? How about the Oorja fuel cell? While so-called green technologies such as solar, wind, and wave power are still noisy, expensive, and inefficient compared to even the worst fossil fuels, simplified energy conversion systems that squeeze out cheap energy with amazing efficiency are starting to pop up, and the idea that a fuel-celled electric car is sounding less like hype and sooner than later.

Imagine a 5-kilowatt cell that takes up half the space of the battery packs in a Toyota Prius. Instead of a plug-in vehicle, you’d have one similar to your gas-powered grill. Pull into a station, disconnect your spent cell, buy a new one (and get your deposit for the old container applied), hook it up and off you go for another 1000 miles or more. Not too shabby, and no need to worry about forgetting to plug in your car before going to bed.

Vampires by Gas Light

On By Kevin A. RansonIn ExistentialismLeave a comment

For those who don’t know, two of the biggest tourist attractions in New Orleans were never under water: the French Quarter and the Garden District. Everything on the east side, specifically Slidell, was what was hit (and is still mostly abandoned).

But the “Big Easy” is open for business and wants everyone to know it. Whether you’re into ghost and vampire tours, old architecture, cemetery tours, or just enjoy several different parties nightly from bar to bar, New Orleans is filling up with people again (and is a bargain right now.)

Stay in a haunted hotel, peruse the voodoo shops, and drink your fill even in the streets (as long as your poison isn’t in a glass container.) Here’s a few snapshots from our recent long weekend: New Orleans French Quarter And Tours.

The Solution: Kindred Health Care

On By Kevin A. RansonIn Existentialism, Politicking, Satire10 Comments

I just had an incredible idea: a solution to the health care crisis.

People who believe in a “universal health care option,” where every citizen must pay to support everyone who needs it (even for services you personally may never need), often cite that it’s morally the right thing to do. The question is simply gathering up enough money to pay for it from everyone.

So I propose a “kindred health care plan” instead. If a person or family cannot afford their health care, the government will determine who the next nearest relative is to that person or family and, if they can afford it, the government will order that family to pay for their relative’s health care services.

Simple and effective, right? C’mon, they’re family! Your own kin? Shouldn’t providing for your own blood be morally the right thing to do? And it doesn’t cost the government or anyone else a thing… unless they put you in jail for being so stingy, ya uncaring deadbeat!

“Kindred Health Care: It’s All Relative.”

Tiger Woods: “I’m Evil and Must Be Destroyed.”

On By Kevin A. RansonIn Conspiracies, ExistentialismLeave a comment

Yeah, I’m paraphrasing, but isn’t this what the media wanted to hear?

So what he lined up a legion of tanned, golden-haired lookalikes that would make Hugh Hefner jealous to meet him at various locations on tour. He can STILL beat anyone at a round of golf, and that’s even following a car accident and multiple assaults by his spouse.

Let the name of Tiger Woods be stricken from every book and magazine. Stricken from every pylon and obelisk of the PGA Tour. Let the name of Tiger Woods be unheard and unspoken, erased from the memory of man, for all time. Amen.