Author: Kevin A. Ranson

Film Critic & Horror Writer. Heeding a macabre calling listening to “Mother Ghost Nursery Rhymes” in kindergarten, Kevin A. Ranson wrote in grade school and filled countless notebooks with story ideas while touring the Mediterranean in the US Navy. Author of The Spooky Chronicles, the thriller series The Matriarch Vampires, and critic for MovieCrypt.com as host Grim D. Reaper #grmdrpr. Sith master of Google-Fu, Bing-Jitsu, and buttered toast (you want some toast?)

Suffering from Reader’s Block

On By Kevin A. RansonIn Existentialism1 Comment

I used to be a rabid reader. Not like some of my friends, but up until I got out of the Navy, I used to read quite a bit. Then I started going to movies regularly and began reviewing. On occasion, I would run into the dilemma of comparing a film with the book, which isn’t something I wanted to do. Comparing a film to its inspirations (book, television, comic) nearly always results in a skewed experience because changes will happen.

I also write a lot and plot out stories. In the Navy, I started carrying a notebook to jot down ideas, and one notebook turned into many (I have a cabinet drawer full, in fact.) Recently I have also gotten the itch to take those notes and ideas and start shaping them, trying to find the story or setting in the idea or thought. A few have actually started demanding my time to get them on paper, and the results have been interesting.

Sadly, I now find myself with a terrible problem: I can’t read anymore. Not to say I have amnesia or am illiterate, it’s just that I have started three different books in the last year and can’t seem to get more than a few pages in before becoming hopelessly lost. Why? Because the moment I start imagining the story an author is presenting to me, I immediately shift over to one of my own unfinished stories and start mentally scripting.

Perhaps the only cure may be to get as many rough drafts down on paper as possible while I’m so inclined (before I shift to another project.) My question is, has anyone else every experienced this phenomenon?

Creative Puns for Educated Minds

On By Kevin A. RansonIn ExistentialismLeave a comment

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationary.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

Continue reading “Creative Puns for Educated Minds” →

Veterans Day 2009

On By Kevin A. RansonIn Existentialism1 Comment

It has recently occurred to me that, since being out of the military, I’ve never once had a Veterans Day off that I can recall. Sure, I meet some other local vets at Golden Corral the Monday before or after (is it me or does the free buffet taste better than the pay-for version?) but I usually have to work that day (and I’m thankful that I’m able to, too.)

Anyway, if you love being able to pursue your passion, better your circumstance, or just sit on your can and watch television, thank a vet… that’s why you still even HAVE a choice.

Cooperative Storytelling – “Spelljammer: Birthstone”

On By Kevin A. RansonIn Creativity, RoleplayingLeave a comment

Spelljammer: BirthstoneI’ve been fielding a weekly (or so) gathering as a side project for the last couple of months. Rather than a LAN party playing World of Warcraft, some local friends and myself decided to cobble together an old-school role-playing campaign using classic 2nd Ed. AD&D tabletop rules (and decidedly offline.) We’re using the “Spelljammer” rules set, a fantasy setting where wooden ships can magically sail through the sky between worlds. It is a universe of mysticism and alchemy where humans live alongside elves and other fantastic creatures.

At this point, we’ve generated enough material to show off a little, posting the info on a website at http://spelljammer.wordpress.com. Here’s a taste:

Our story is about the last born of a doomed world setting out to find a new home. They carry a mystical vessel with them, the geode, that may be both the sentient will of their world’s deity and the physical remnants of all they knew. With an ancient prophecy as their only guide, the “Last Born” must choose theirs allies and enemies carefully if they hope to survive and succeed.

Stop by, check it out, leave a comment or two.

Right Turn, Clyde

On By Kevin A. RansonIn ConspiraciesLeave a comment

Traffic law question: if you come to signal in a right turn lane and the signal shows a red right arrow, are you allowed to make a right turn if the way is clear? I’ve seen local cops make a right turn on a red arrow all the time, but my roommate swears that a right arrow implies “no turn on red.”

While your local laws may differ, according to StateofFlorida.com under Signals, Signs and Pavement Markings, you can conditionally turn right on a red arrow by treating it like a normal stop light unless specifically marked otherwise:

Come to a complete stop at the marked stop line or before moving into the crosswalk or intersection. After stopping, you may turn right on red arrow at most intersections if the way is clear. Some intersections display a “NO TURN ON RED” sign, which you must obey. Left turns on red arrow from a one-way street into a one-way street are also allowed.

I love right turn on red states, but have you ever noticed their aren’t any right turn on blue states? Yeah, it was a stretch…

Meet the Mascots!

On By Kevin A. RansonIn Existentialism, ParanormalLeave a comment


When I go to a convention, it’s usually not with the intent of blowing a lot of cash. About once per year, I allot a little to find something cool to add to my growing collection of spooky “cursed” objects. This year, I found these three guys (on the right) just hanging around, and I just had to take ’em home.

I’ve put them all over the links pages (because that’s about as evil as they come). Enjoy!

The Value of Damaged Goods

On By Kevin A. RansonIn Creativity, ExistentialismLeave a comment

Two people were having a conversation on a recent television show. One makes the (paraphrased) comment “Everyone wants something that’s in perfect condition.” The other person counters the notion with “Sometimes, it’s the damage that makes something unique and often increases its value.”

What an interesting thought, especially since they may not have been talking merely about antiquities.

Continue reading “The Value of Damaged Goods” →

Penske Walks, GM Folds, Saturn Dies

On By Kevin A. RansonIn Existentialism, SatireLeave a comment

My last two cars were Saturns, including the one I have now. It’s a 1998 SC-2 sports coupe with the loaded package: aluminum wheels, leather steering wheel, dual overhead cams. It doesn’t look like an eleven-year old car, thanks to state-of-the-art body panels that kept it looking great even after being hit and/or whacked on every side of the vehicle.

The last time I was at the dealer (following a friend and fellow Saturn owner for maintenance), the few remaining sales zombies shambled toward me hopefully. Sadly, the current fleet had nothing to offer me; my car’s paid off, looks and runs good, and gets close if not identical mileage to anything Saturn has. Plus, the new fleet lacked features that used to make Saturn stand out, such as the impact resistant body panels they stopped making five years ago.

With my own interior upgrades, there’s really nothing new they could offer, and the sales zombies shambled away. Soon they’ll be standing with the rest of the living dead at the unemployment office when not chasing down a job lead, and that’s just not how I ever thought Saturn, “a different kind of car company,” would go out.

On second thought, plastering a logo on a Pontiac Solstice and calling it the sportiest thing you have to offer wasn’t the smartest idea, either. Face it, GM… you treated Saturn and its customer base like red-headed step children and they all would have been better off without you. There! I feel better now.

Muggle Advantage, Wizard Lament

On By Kevin A. RansonIn Creativity, Existentialism, HollywoodLeave a comment

Here’s a question: if the wizarding world of Harry Potter is so much more sophisticated than what Muggles must endure, why not use a cell phone to get a message through than an owl? Walkie talkies? How about CB radio?

Over at NeedCoffee.com, there’s an interesting article about just how different the state of the world of magic might be if wizards had access to cell phones and shotguns. Remember, “Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid.”