Whether you voted for or against him, whether you love him or hate him, you can’t go a single day without hearing his name. But hey, what president couldn’t use a theme song and clever marketing video? Click the following link to see what on earth I’m talking about.
http://sendables.jibjab.com/originals/hes_barack_obama
Author: Kevin A. Ranson
Film Critic & Horror Writer. Heeding a macabre calling listening to “Mother Ghost Nursery Rhymes” in kindergarten, Kevin A. Ranson wrote in grade school and filled countless notebooks with story ideas while touring the Mediterranean in the US Navy.
Author of The Spooky Chronicles, the thriller series The Matriarch Vampires, and critic for MovieCrypt.com as host Grim D. Reaper #grmdrpr. Sith master of Google-Fu, Bing-Jitsu, and buttered toast (you want some toast?)
Building the Taj MaHAUL, Part I
After attending a few conventions this year pushing MovieCrypt.com, one thing I’ve noticed is how poor “portable” displays can look next to mailed “moneybag” displays appear. The question becomes, when you take in just enough cash in advertising and t-shirts to pay for hosting (and have enough pro bono work to keep a website looking fairly professional), how can you compete without pawning you laptop or going into debt?
A few months back after seeing these huge displays, I remembered seeing a single, six-foot-plus tall and roughly two-foot wide banner that looked simple enough. Put three of these side-by-side and you can easily create a beautiful, eye-catching display to fill an eight-foot space or background a table setting. Of everywhere I looked in town and online, this large Econom-X Banner Stand was the cheapest at just under $150.00, banner and carry case included but not shipping or taxes. Some of the most expensive in this line, including “retractable” designs for easy setup, ranged $350 to over $1000… each.
iPhone 3GS: Battery or Software Problem?
While Apple has yet to deny or confirm, a few owners of the new iPhone 3GS have complained about the device heating up, even to the point of warping the plastic and discoloring the white-backed phones. There have been problems with batteries in Apple devices before (Sony-made batteries, to be specific).
The Michael Jackson Post
“Thriller” will forever be one of my favorite songs, videos, and cultural phenomenons. From the subject matter itself to the ghoulish dance number which is still being imitated to this day, what other song can claim to have Vincent Price rapping?
On the man himself, heavy was the head that wore the crown, even upon the self-proclaimed “King of Pop.” Then I read things like this from people I know:
That Retard Sound
I’d like to apologize for the title of this post, but I can’t. And it’s very likely you know what I’m talking about, that guttural-sounding “duh” speech tone and inflection popularized by every comedian or dramatic actor portraying a certified idiot or mentally handicapped individual trying to vocalize anything at all. It’s like imagining what listening to a Neanderthal that’s been dropped on his head must have sounded like, or maybe a cartoon donkey having a laugh at another character’s expense.
So as I sat down in a restaurant to scarf down a quick bite at lunch, I heard it: that “retard” sound. It was so ridiculous that my first thought was that it was some kid making fun of someone, so I turned to see if the little creep was any “gift from God” himself. Nope, no kid, just a couple of tall ladies in line at the counter (who were facing away from me) and the people running the kitchen.
The Twitter Post: Celebrity Roleplaying
Back in the days of old AOL, it was all the rave to have a screenname (aka handle) that sounded like a known celebrity. At the time, no one really thought anyone was who they said they were (Superman, Prince, Madonna) until actual celebrities started staking out their names and demanding legitimacy. I’ve always preferred using mythological creatures and character names myself (you can get into some copyright issues there, too, if you name your WoW character “Richard Rahl”).
But with the popularity of Twitter, the game of celebrity impersonation has been taken to a whole new level. While some celebrities have “verified” themselves and others have professional “tweeters” keeping fans happy, others haven’t started playing or have no intention of doing so. This makes them prime targets for impersonation, and some clever impersonators have gotten away with quite a bit: Celebrity Roleplaying.
To Be, Or Not to Be… Myself
I belong to a professional critics organization called the Online Film Critics Society (OFCS.org). The website where I post my film reviews is MovieCrypt.com, but as many of you know, I play a character there who takes credit for what I write and say. Sure, it’s a bit of a gimmick and certainly plays to my theatrical nature (blame my mom), but a recently proposed change to the OFCS bylaws for admission and membership felt a bit targeted, only because the language:
5. Write under their real names, or under reasonable, professionally established pen names (e.g., Mark Twain for Samuel Clemens). A member may write under an obviously fictional name, or “in character,” only if the member is also identified by his or her real name in a non-obscure place on the website(s) where the members’ reviews are published. Writers who obscure their identities in order to remain anonymous may not be members of the OFCS.
Jamitons: Phantom Gridlock
Wow, I was right; these things ARE caused by morons!
So you’re driving along at the speed limit on three lanes going your way until (Oh Noes!) a row of brake lights suddenly flares ahead. Traffic is dropping to a crawl and slowing, so something MUST be happening up ahead (accident? ladder in road? car-B-Q?). Then, after spending twenty minutes trying to figure out which lane is actually moving, traffic starts mysteriously moving again, with nary an emergency vehicle or burning car in site.
You just experienced a phantom gridlock, or what MIT has dubbed a “jamiton.”
Now, while they’re spending millions trying to figure out why and how to prevent them, I can save them the cash right here. “Morons” are the cause, people who probably shouldn’t be driving to begin with. You’ve seen them talking on phones, applying makeup, reading the paper, fighting with passengers, and trying to see over the steering wheel of their vehicle.
The formula couldn’t be more simple. To cause a so-called jamiton, all you need is one Moron driver for every lane traveling in the same direction to meet along a parallel line and simultaneously drop below the speed limit in any area where cars are already in a hurry. Everyone else who is actually driving will attempt to let these idiots know they aren’t the only people on the road, all the while tailgating and beeping their horn. As more vehicles catch up to the Morons, the wave will continue backwards as long as their is at least one car approaching in every lane.
Clear as mud, right? And the solution is even simpler: make Morons take the bus and leave the driving to the ones up to the task.
History in Progress, Death for Texting
You may remember the scene in the film Monty Python & the Holy Grail where the characters find the writings of Joseph of Arimathea. They come to the end of the writing to read, “… the Castle of uuggggggh,” and someone actually speculates that “He must have died while carving it.”
Funny? Now imagine if that were true. Now stop imagining.
Following the elections in Iran, the so-called “Twittersphere” is alight with micro-bloggers trying to get the word out regarding protests, government crackdowns, and worse following accusations of a fixed election. Supporting techies are orchestrating denial-of-service attacks against official Iranian government websites while providing secure IPs to allow Iranian bloggers the chance to be heard and cover the chaos. Even the Iranian Supreme Leader (neither of the guys in the election, in case you didn’t know) has called for an investigation, and that’s really something considering that his word is law.
This isn’t standing in front of a tank in Tienanmen Square and having your picture taken before dying. Thanks to global, real-time communication, people in different countries with different freedoms are talking to one another, some very real danger of dying for an opinion. They’re in the street with a cell phone texting messages, taking photos, and shooting footage while trying to stay alive.
Doesn’t the world feels a little smaller again all of the sudden?
FCC: “Igor, Throw the Switch!”
It’s Friday, June 12, 2009. A date that will live in infamy as “The Day Analogue Television Died.”
Of course, you won’t notice if you have cable, satellite, or any service pumping programs into your box, even if it’s an old television. You will notice, however, if you’re counting on that old set of rabbit ears or crusty antenna on the roof and haven’t bought a government-subsidized digital convertor box.
Ah, glorious sub-900MHz band! We hardly knew you!
Now go, and bring us fast, cheap Wi-Fi that all North Americans may Twitter!
Kevin A. Ranson 