Category: Conspiracies

Is “Lie to Me” Lying to Me?

On By Kevin A. RansonIn Conspiracies, Existentialism, Hollywood1 Comment

If you watched broadcast television last season, you might have picked up on a show starring Tim Roth called “Lie to Me.” The premise follows a company called The Lightman Group that assists in interrogations to determine if people are being deceptive (figuring out why when they are is another matter). It all sounds very convincing, but how real is it?

Besides being fun to watch, you can’t help not playing along after being introduced to micro-expressions and other “tells” that are reinforced by similarities to celebrity photos (a glance down for shame, a slight grin at mentioning someone’s hardship when you secretly think they deserve it, etc). Cleverly, the show has also introduced reasons why these tells could be wrong at times, such as an inability to express surprise after a Botox treatment.

Continue reading “Is “Lie to Me” Lying to Me?” →

Speaking of Health Care Reform (Updated)

On By Kevin A. RansonIn Conspiracies, Politicking1 Comment

… now that people are talking about it, suddenly that’s un-American?

In a video circulating online and on news channels, the AARP is seen opening a “Town Hall” meeting with predetermined language such as, “We all agree that…” and is being shouted down even at the notion anything has already been agreed upon.

Guess what’s finally happening? People are not only curious about what the legislature and government is doing with their health care, they’re also listening carefully and questioning the language being used. They also have their own ideas, like being allowed to shop over state lines for insurance and forming small business co-ops to buy larger corporate-rate insurance to save money on rates.

Continue reading “Speaking of Health Care Reform (Updated)” →

Meet a Former US President!

On By Kevin A. RansonIn Conspiracies, PolitickingLeave a comment

Are you a little dictator with big, big plans? Need to be seen schmoozing with a former yet popular US President?

All you need to do is grab a couple of American journalists (men okay, ladies preferred for effect), sentence them to hard labor on some made-up charge, then put a call into Bill Clinton for the win! It used to be that only former president Jimmy Carter would show up for these things, but now you can meet “the man” himself AND keep a souvenir photo of your special day.

Yes, it’s a great day for evil.

Now, back to your nuclear research and long-range missile programs.

To Be, Or Not to Be… Myself

On By Kevin A. RansonIn Conspiracies, Existentialism1 Comment

I belong to a professional critics organization called the Online Film Critics Society (OFCS.org). The website where I post my film reviews is MovieCrypt.com, but as many of you know, I play a character there who takes credit for what I write and say. Sure, it’s a bit of a gimmick and certainly plays to my theatrical nature (blame my mom), but a recently proposed change to the OFCS bylaws for admission and membership felt a bit targeted, only because the language:

5. Write under their real names, or under reasonable, professionally established pen names (e.g., Mark Twain for Samuel Clemens). A member may write under an obviously fictional name, or “in character,” only if the member is also identified by his or her real name in a non-obscure place on the website(s) where the members’ reviews are published. Writers who obscure their identities in order to remain anonymous may not be members of the OFCS.

Continue reading “To Be, Or Not to Be… Myself” →

Jamitons: Phantom Gridlock

On By Kevin A. RansonIn Conspiracies, CreativityLeave a comment

Wow, I was right; these things ARE caused by morons!

So you’re driving along at the speed limit on three lanes going your way until (Oh Noes!) a row of brake lights suddenly flares ahead. Traffic is dropping to a crawl and slowing, so something MUST be happening up ahead (accident? ladder in road? car-B-Q?). Then, after spending twenty minutes trying to figure out which lane is actually moving, traffic starts mysteriously moving again, with nary an emergency vehicle or burning car in site.

You just experienced a phantom gridlock, or what MIT has dubbed a “jamiton.”

Now, while they’re spending millions trying to figure out why and how to prevent them, I can save them the cash right here. “Morons” are the cause, people who probably shouldn’t be driving to begin with. You’ve seen them talking on phones, applying makeup, reading the paper, fighting with passengers, and trying to see over the steering wheel of their vehicle.

The formula couldn’t be more simple. To cause a so-called jamiton, all you need is one Moron driver for every lane traveling in the same direction to meet along a parallel line and simultaneously drop below the speed limit in any area where cars are already in a hurry. Everyone else who is actually driving will attempt to let these idiots know they aren’t the only people on the road, all the while tailgating and beeping their horn. As more vehicles catch up to the Morons, the wave will continue backwards as long as their is at least one car approaching in every lane.

Clear as mud, right? And the solution is even simpler: make Morons take the bus and leave the driving to the ones up to the task.

UPS Still Sucks, Part Whatever

On By Kevin A. RansonIn Conspiracies1 Comment

If I wanted “whenever” delivery, I would have had the US Postal Service delivery it.

But no, I needed an ad poster sent over night last Sunday, so I bit the bullet and paid top price: over $20 shipping for an $18 poster print to be sent next day air. Since the place that printed only uses UPS for next day and priority, I knew a signature MIGHT be involved, but I had a week, right? What could go wrong?

My poster was in the mail before midnight Sunday, so the printer did their job wonderfully. The UPS website estimated the “overnight” delivery at one business day, so that would be April 14th. On Tuesday (being yesterday), the UPS website also said that the poster was in the city and out for delivery Tuesday morning before 8am.

At 9pm last night thirteen hours later, no package. So much for one-to-two business days.

On a whim, I called this morning (Wednesday, business day three) to verify: no signature required for delivery, right? Great! The driver can stick the cardboard paper tube in the door, right? Nope! There it was; the white and yellow sticky of “sign here and wait another day.” Oh, HELLS no.

Now I have learned that each driver can take it upon themselves to initiate a signature request without any more reason than they don’t feel that it’s safe to leave the package (again, a cardboard tube in a screen door), thus CREATING the need for the driver to come back yet again. I’m guessing that, in my case, the driver is banging someone in the neighborhood and just needs an excuse to come back two days in a row.

Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot.

Happy 50% Off Chocolate Day!

On By Kevin A. RansonIn Conspiracies, SatireLeave a comment

It was yesterday, technically, but fortunately it is usually celebrated for a week or two after Easter each year.

The story goes that, the night after Easter, the Discount Weasel goes around to all the retail stores in the land with his magic price gun, marking all the sugary and chocolaty treats down for a quick sale (since the Easter Bunny was too snooty to pay full price and keep the economy going).

Isn’t that a nice story, boys and girls?

Server Issues (That You Couldn’t Care Less About)

On By Kevin A. RansonIn Conspiracies, Existentialism, Internet1 Comment

It’s one thing to sign up for someone else’s web space and keep a blog, but an entirely different beast if you want to keep full control for yourself. Want your own template? You own designs? Your own features? Either pay up or do it yourself.

But every once in a while, even when you’ve been doing everything just the way you were told, something happens to let you know that you still don’t know everything. I have no idea what caused the minor database corruption that dropped many of my oldest posts, but fixing it taught me a lot I didn’t know, specifically that the way I was backing up things was essentially useless.

For those of you used to seeing certain features or things around here, you may find a few missing. I’m working on that, but with another convention coming up and promises yet to fulfill, fixes here will be slow or have to wait.