Category: Satire

Narcissists ‘R’ Us

On By Kevin A. RansonIn Creativity, Existentialism, Hollywood, SatireLeave a comment

Among my circle of friends, we decided to take a night asking ridiculous questions to one another and get some real answers. One of which was “describe everyone in the group with one word.” Imagine my surprise when everyone nodded upon the label “narcissist” levied upon myself.

After some thought, however, I realized they were right. Moreover, I also realized I didn’t have a problem with it, either. As someone who artistically creates massive amounts of content and presents to anyone who’ll pay attention, I crave the feedback (positive or negative) just to revel in the fact of my relevance. Don’t you?

Inspired by my own response to another blog, some argue that it’s a necessary step to artistic success. If you don’t already think you’re “the man,” why should anyone else think so? Put another way, who would you hire: the person who says “I’ll try my best to do what you want” or the one who claims “No problem… consider it done?”

One could argue that there is a difference between self-confidence and narcissism, but when it’s your name on the side of the truck or your image on a magazine cover, you’ve become a brand, a literal Mr. or Ms. Trademark. To cultivate that brand and leverage the resulting assets, it can become an obsession.

Are you on Twitter? Facebook? STILL on MySpace? Have a blog? A fan site? Go to conventions to present and just attend? Do you hang out with OTHER self-promoting, narcissistic creative types? You’re in good company, my friend (and everyone should have a friend like me.)

Stricter Gun Laws Due to Tucson Tragedy, Anyone?

On By Kevin A. RansonIn Conspiracies, Politicking, SatireLeave a comment

My friend Patty posted this today:

“To everyone who is calling for stricter gun laws in light of the tragedy in Tucson, may I offer this little tidbit: If guns kill people, then pencils misspell words, cars drive drunk, and spoons make people fat! Remember: Hold the person accountable for their actions, not just the means they chose to utilize!!!”

It felt a bit incomplete, so I added the following:

“Oh, and you forgot hammers destroy people’s thumbs, computers steal people’s identities, and chainsaws chase teenage virgins through the woods at night (not to mention axes, machetes, bowie knives, hooks, spear guns, and finger-bladed gloves.)

“Oops, almost forgot: no one thinks for themselves anymore. That means that anything you decide to do was obviously something you heard on television, the radio, or read online. Individual thought is a myth, just like personal responsibility. Just sit back, turn on the tube, and do everything your government says so they can take care of you.”

I Attended the Tucson Memorial Service and All I Got Was This Lousy T-shirt

On By Kevin A. RansonIn Existentialism, Politicking, SatireLeave a comment

tucson memorial shirtIf the President of the United States shows up to speak at your single-shooter massacre or public building bombing, should you expect people to cheer his speech and take home a free t-shirt? How about a “battle of the bands” on a second stage on the opposite side of a graveyard during a funeral? Our speaker will also be signing copies of his new book and other swag at a table next to the casket.

See More Here.

“With My D6”

On By Kevin A. RansonIn Creativity, Roleplaying, SatireLeave a comment

To the tune of “Like a G6” by Far East Movement
Lyrics by Kevin A. Ranson

Patches down for Warcraft now, new from Blizzard,
Pen and paper while we wait, Mine’s a Wizard.
Table toppin’ D and D, a quick fix,
Lettin’ fireballs fly With My D6,
With My D6, With My D6,
Lettin’ lightning bolts fly With My D6.

(repeat until you’re sick of it)

Update: If you check the date of when I posted this originally, you may notice that I had been throwing this idea out since just past last Christmas.

Four months later, someone not only took up the idea but ran with it until they made something wonderful.

Awesome job, guys. Lemme know if you need any new ideas!

Filtering Copyrighted Material Requires Infringement?

On By Kevin A. RansonIn Conspiracies, Existentialism, Internet, Satire, TechnologyLeave a comment

According to an article on Wired.com, collecting the information that allows a filter to compare an image, a book, a song, or a video to existing material is itself an uncompensated use of the material it is meant to single out for violation. In other words, even “fair use” isn’t enough of a reason for website to police themselves prior to actual notification by a copyright holder since the website would have to have legal copies (aka paid for) of everything being filter to compare it to.

If this holds up, no website can currently be held responsible to filter its own bandwidth for violations because they would have to purchase and own a copy of whatever is being searched for (read: everything and anything) to check and see if it’s real. Ha!

The Dreaded -N- Word: “November”

On By Kevin A. RansonIn Politicking, SatireLeave a comment

It has come to my attention that there are some people who are greatly insensitive to the plights of those who have suffered at the hands of others. Words may not actually cut like knives, but the meaning and intent behind the words you use are something that must always be considered when implementing their use. To those politicians who may find themselves unemployed in just a few short months and only book tours to look forward to in their retirement, use of the -N- word in their presence in nothing short of cruel.

So, the next time you see groups of politicians hanging out together or happen to pass one on the street, just remember what it feels like to be collectively grouped together when a politician refers to you with the dreaded -T- word: “Taxpayer.”

The Solution: Kindred Health Care

On By Kevin A. RansonIn Existentialism, Politicking, Satire10 Comments

I just had an incredible idea: a solution to the health care crisis.

People who believe in a “universal health care option,” where every citizen must pay to support everyone who needs it (even for services you personally may never need), often cite that it’s morally the right thing to do. The question is simply gathering up enough money to pay for it from everyone.

So I propose a “kindred health care plan” instead. If a person or family cannot afford their health care, the government will determine who the next nearest relative is to that person or family and, if they can afford it, the government will order that family to pay for their relative’s health care services.

Simple and effective, right? C’mon, they’re family! Your own kin? Shouldn’t providing for your own blood be morally the right thing to do? And it doesn’t cost the government or anyone else a thing… unless they put you in jail for being so stingy, ya uncaring deadbeat!

“Kindred Health Care: It’s All Relative.”

A Question for President Obama…

On By Kevin A. RansonIn Politicking, Satire, TechnologyLeave a comment

… what do you think of Apple’s new iPad?

Update: After reading up on what this iPad does, it’s getting harder to laugh at the name. For example, if you bought yourself a Kindle, eBook reader, or any netbook for Christmas, go ahead and kick yourself now (or see if you can get your money back with the receipt.) Seriously, if you could have everything in an iPod Touch the size of a netbook screen without the keyboard and a 10 hour device time, why wouldn’t you?